Star Gazing

When they saw the star, they were overjoyed. Matthew 2:10


Do you ever get so overwhelmed by your to-do list that you aren't sure where to begin? I do this often. I'm a great list maker. I am not, however, great at keeping up with my list. I often make multiple lists, which I'll later lay down somewhere and, subsequently, forget where I laid them.

When I'm at school, I'll mentally think of all of the things I need to accomplish at home. When I'm home, I think of all of the things I could be doing at school. There's always something to do.

It can become overwhelming when I think too much about it. I also have some sort of attention deficit when it comes to accomplishing things: I start on one task, will become distracted mid-task by another task I could be doing, and begin on a second task... lather, rinse, repeat. Pretty soon, it's the end of the day and I've accomplished nothing.

We're busy. Always. Sometimes, tasks are necessary. Other times, we're just chasing our tails.

I wonder how much we miss amid all of the busy-ness in our lives? How many sweet moments have passed me by because I was, simply, too busy to pay attention?

I struggle with the mom-guilt of telling my girls to wait while I finish whatever. I tell them "I can't do that right now, I'm trying to do this." and I quickly realize how many little moments I'm missing. Yes, kids need to learn to wait sometimes. Yes, some things need my attention immediately. Yes, I have mom/wife things I need to accomplish at home. But, how can I be sure that I'm prioritizing the right things?

Approaching Christmas, God has really been stirring some things in my heart.

One is this: slow down.

God brought to mind the wise men in the story of Christmas. After the Baby had been born in Bethlehem, these brilliant gentlemen were, no doubt, going about their normal duties. I imagine they were busy; people looking to them for wisdom and advice. I'm sure they had responsibilities... maybe families, maybe a wife and children who needed their time. But somehow, in the middle of their normal lives, they noticed a star. A star!

This stirs in my heart... if something were to show up in the sky --a star-- would I even notice?

There are times when I'm hustling myself and the girls to and from the car in the evening. It's dark out. It's been a long day. Sometimes, I'm by myself while Shawn is at work. We've been here or there and are trying to get inside the house. I'm mentally going through what needs to be done to prepare for bedtime and for the next day while gathering up our belongings from this day. But, regularly, Madeline will say, "Where moon go?" and we'll pause to look. For that brief moment, we'll stop in our tracks and look up to the sky. On a clear night, I'll stand in awe as I see the twinkling of the countless stars that seem to go on forever. I'll see the moon shining brightly above our home, and then look to Madeline, whose face lights up as she smiles and proclaims, "Dere it is!"

The wisest men of their day in that area, I wonder if they looked to the sky, smiled, and proclaimed, "There! There it is!" Something so small, yet so significant. They were so busy, yet slowed down long enough to notice something that was probably overlooked by so many. I wonder how many other people looked into the sky that night and just saw another star. Another dark night. Another moon. And "just' another star.

Yet, for these gentlemen, God showed it to them in a completely different way.

I feel like I've heard and read the Christmas story a million times. We know the story. But, do you ever hear something that you've heard before, but this time, it catches you in a whole new way? That's been the Christmas story for me this year. I keep hanging on to different details while the Holy Spirit works to show me something new and so sweet. It's been a precious time for me and I'm so thankful.

My girls are so excited for Christmas this year. Norah sings, "Jesus, Jesus, Oh what a wonderful child!" while Madeline runs around carrying her baby Jesus from her Little People Nativity set. It excites me because I remember loving Christmas as a kid. Traditions that stay with me now, some that I do with my own family, and some new ones that we've created of our own.

My prayer for myself is to take time to enjoy the small things. Notice the things that go un-noticed. Catch those sweet smiles, inhale those precious smells, listen to those beautiful sounds, and just take it all in. Let go of the agenda. Stop worrying about what's to come. Embrace the now.

I'm so looking forward to Christmas morning in church. The last time Christmas fell on a Sunday was the year Norah was born. It was 10 days after her birthday and I remember feeling SO terrible after my C-section, high blood pressure, and days on IV magnesium. But, I was determined to make Norah's first Sunday in church to be on Christmas. 5 years later, I'm so thankful for that little memory.

Where else would you want to be on Christmas? Presents are great. Spending time with family is great. Traditions are great. But, the reason for all of this is the gift from God... His Son. Jesus makes it all possible. Jesus is the reason. So, this Christmas, I will slow down from the busy-ness. I will walk away from the yummy food. I will forget about paper and bows. I will clean up that mess later. I will pause everything and enter into His sweet presence.  I will be intentional about giving thanks to God for His incredible gift. A gift that, not only helps me day to day, but also seals my forever in Him.

That's why I celebrate.
That's why I sing.
That's why I am.
That's what I'll do.

Oh, come, let us adore Him.

Wherever You go, I will go...

On a recent trip to Pigeon Forge, some friends and I were having lunch on an outside patio. While we waited for our food, this adorable momma duck and her (18!) babies put on a show for us. They paraded around their environment. They swam, they splashed, they waddled around. They got to a few areas that were slippery little water falls and they'd flail their wings and feet to hold on as tightly as they could.

Looking back at this picture, I was hit with some super sweet parallels.

First of all, as a mom, we always have little ones near us. If I'm home and both girls are here, it is rare that I remain undisturbed as I complete whatever task I'm doing.  My girls learn, and ultimately will recreate in their own lives, everything that goes in to being a wife and mom. They hear my words; hear how those words are conveyed. They see how I handle accidents, problems, good news, sad news. They watch me interact with my husband. They see us have fun and laugh together. They also see us argue and compromise. They see me at my best, they see me at my worst. What they'll never see me do is give up on them.

What I noticed about this group of ducks was that, the mom kept her eyes ahead (press forward toward the prize). She was trusting her babies to look to her, trust her, and follow her.

All of that to say this: while I am their guide, I am also teaching them that I follow God as MY guide. I follow His lead. I do my best to stay near Him. I talk to Him, I whine to Him, I thank Him for loving me. See the connection yet?

The Lord leads us. He won't chase us. He won't smack us when we do wrobng. He doesn't pull us by the arm. He simply leads and we are to follow. We learn how to be like Him when we spend time with Him, following His lead.

One of the ladies working said the mom was very protective and would make sure you knew it wasn't okay to mess her sweet little ones.

Do we always get it right? No.
Do we slip and fall (like the tiniest of ducklings did in the water)? Yes.
Is our Daddy willing to go to war for us? Without a doubt.
Does our Leader give us a nudge when we can't make it on our own? Absolutely.

We just need to stay close, learn to be more like Him (by staying in the Word, prayer, and attending church)....oh, and follow.

School's Out For Summer!

When I was a little girl, I can remember pretending for hours on end. I would be a teacher, a doctor, an office worker, a banker, a QVC host (yes, really)..... but the common denominator between all of these, was that I was always a MOM. I was a mom who worked. And while that was fine, my ultimate dream was to just be a mom: a mom with babies.

I can remember talking about future careers that we talked about in school and in girl scouts as we were growing up, and friends had aspirations of making lots of money: doctors, laywers, veterinarians, police officers, president even! (I also secretly laugh as I think back, because in real life, none of these jobs are the just sit-back-and-watch-the-money-roll-in jobs that we seemed to think they were. I can remember one police officer coming to speak at our middle school and when asked how much an officer makes, I believe his figure was something like, $32,000 per year. We gave a "wowwwwww" noise.

Now I am a grown-up. With bills. And kids. And a mortgage. And I get it.

What I also get is that no amount of money can truly satisfy you like when you know you are walking in God's plan for your life. When you give things over to Him, not even fully understanding the HOWs of it all, it can be scary! I'm there.

As of today, I'm taking the summer off from KCA. Eeek! Yay! Huh?

This is a decision that has been many months (dare I admit, years?) in the prayer process. For starters, what I GET to do at KCA is nothing short of a blessing. I love it. I love the people I work with. I love people who have come and gone through the years. I love families I've grown to know and love as my own. I love seeing kids of years past who have grown (over night!) up and are now finishing high school and becoming adults. It's crazy the blessings I've had over the last 12 years. CRAZY! I've worked here since before I graduate college, and it's home. I'm not "leaving," by any means... just.... stepping back for a bit.

I'm at this point in life where, my kids are young. Did you know...they won't always be young?! Crazy, right?

I look at Norah, a now 4-year-old, and I'm thinking, "Did I not just find out that I'm pregnant?" It makes my head spin.

It's like, even as you're passing through all of these stages in life, you never really realize how quickly life is moving until you're a parent. At least, that's the case for me. They say "the days are long but the years fly by." Could that BE any more true? (You're welcome, F.R.I.E.N.D.S fans.)

All that to say, my girls are young, and I figure that if I'm ever going to get to be "just a mom," it's this tiny blip of time; It has to be now. Norah will be in kindergarten before I know it and I'll be ready to start Madeline in preschool. Babies don't keep, ya'll!

But, now's the time.

I'm anxious. I'm excited. I'm nervous. I'm a little fearful. But, mostly, I'm thrilled. I know being a stay-at-home mom isn't a cake walk. I know there will be days that I'll want to sell them off for parts. But I also know that my time with them is precious. THEY are my greatest work in life right now and I want to BE with them a little more. I love the quote that says, "Your greatest contribution to the kingdom of God may not be something you do, but someone you raise." Wow. What a beautifully, terrifying blessing!

I pray that my girls will do HUGE things for God. I pray that their hearts will confess Him as their Savior as soon as they realize they need one. I pray that they will lead lives sold-out to His calling for them and that they will share their love of Him with everyone they meet. I pray that they are always near at least one Godly friend who will keep them in line when they need it...because I also have enough sense to recognize that they WILL need more than a few "Come to Jesus" talks. I pray that their future spouses and children will be covered in these prayers as well by their future mothers-in-law. I trust that they will be able to not only recognize the voice of God, but follow it with their whole hearts. I pray that no matter what they choose to "be" when they grow up, that they will always BE fully-His first. He will direct their paths, I have no doubt.

So.... as we start this new path, pray with us, that we will always have what we need. God is faithful, but it never hurts to have friends who are willing to pray for you. :)

Madeline Hope Wade

Just before Thanksgiving 2014, we welcomed our second sweet girl: Madeline Hope.

Before I talk about her, let's lead up to it.

Logistics aside, I had a major internal conflict. When you're ready to give birth to your second child..... not the time to have second thoughts. :-P

Would I be able to love them both? Would Norah still feel special? Would I be able to "do it all" with an extra kid around taking up what was left of my free-time and sanity? Would I be able to meet their needs?

One night, in a hospital room by myself (high blood pressure... non responsive NST... blah blah blah), I realized: No, I can't. But with God's help, I can. I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13. I can't do it all, and no one expects me to. I can, however, give it to Him and trust that everyine will be taken care of. I give my best and let Him do the rest.

And ya know what? It worked.

Two months later, I can look back and smile when I think of my insecurities. Norah has surpassed all of my expectations. She genuniely loves "her baby." When she gets home from school, she immediately wants to know where Madeline is. When she wakes up in the morning, "Hi baby sister! Did you have a good sleep?" She wants to help me do evvvvvverything. She's been incredible, really. People often ask how Norah handles it... and it sounds so silly, or like I'm making it up, but she truly has done incredibly well. I can't really say it any other way.

Quickie Birth Story

My pregnancy was wonderful until late October - early November. My blood pressure slowly started to creep up and a series of non-responsive non-stress tests (NST) sent me to the hospital for further monitoring on more than one occasion. Exhausting, frustrating, but I'm thankful for doctors who were operating under the "better safe than sorry" mindset. The nurses at LPH were all fabulous and so sweet.

My due date was originally December 13th.... one day before Norah's birthday. Ha.

My scheduled C-section was to be on December 8th.... then December 1st... and ultimately on November 24th. They saw no real reason to keep me pregnant when the baby looked good and everything seemed okay.

We arrived early on Monday, November 24th. I got hooked up to an IV, was administered liquids, given that nasty little orange cup of gunk to drink before c-section, my blood pressure was taken more times than I care to remember, and I was wheeled to the OR around 8am.

I tried really hard to be aware and take it all in. I watched the OR staff scurry around to gather what they needed. I listened as they counted their instruments. I was FREEZING cold. (If you know me, I expect that you chuckled just now...) Everyone was talking to me in calm tones and reassuring me that we were going to have a great delivery.

My anesthesiologist got me prepped for a spinal block. I remember the sensation shooting down my leg, then they readjusted and got it in the right place and asked me to lie down quickly. I was totally calm this time. Doctors Ketchum and Turano come in to say hi. Shawn comes in. It's go-time.

Lots of pulling and tugging later (Dr. Turano even asked for a step stool to help push the baby out.... soreness would follow for the next several days... wowza), I heard the tiniest little cry. "Hi little peanut!" Dr. Turano called out. "She's a girl!" She was here!

The nurses wrapped her up and brought her around to me. One of them said, "I think mommy should always get the first kiss." And I did. She was slimy and gross, but she was here.. and she was perfect!

Sewn back together and groggy, I spent the next couple of hours in recovery. They had issue stabilizing my blood pressure. Finally, it was back to my room to visit with family and hold this sweet new baby. She was 5lb 10oz and 18.5inches long. It's funny how all of the fears just went out the window from the first time I heard her cry.

Norah met her with a little reservation; I think a lot of it came because she had an audience. When it was just a few of us (aw, Wade Party of 4), she warmed right up. She wanted to help feed her, she wanted to hold her...it was a really sweet time.

We spent 2 days in the hospital and went home on Wednesday before Thanksgiving. My recovery was SO MUCH BETTER than the first go-around. I can't explain it. I felt better. I moved easier. I was up walking as soon as my numbness wore off. It was just a world of difference.

I had plenty of help with Norah in the first several days. My sweet church family provided us with meals and company.

She's here, now two-months old (yes, it's taken me THAT long to get this typed.. ha). I'm a mom of two. It's better than I imagined. :) We're blessed!

A New Perspective....

August looms. Another summer quickly comes to an end as a new school year will soon begin.

This is the usual time of year when we're ready to make the switch and get back to a "normal" routine that the school year always brings. This year, however, will be a little different.

Norah starts preschool.

This both excites and terrifies me (which in itself is fairly hilarious).

1. Where did my baby go? It seems like only yesterday I was taking a pregnancy test on Mother's Day and nervously looking to see two pink lines. I can't wrap my brain around the fact that 3 long/short years have passed and she's now with us and old enough to join the preschool world.

2. She's so ready. She loves coming to school. She loves her friends. She loves to play. She loves to draw. She loves to paint. She loves to make messes. She loves to sing and dance. She's okay when I leave her. She has conquered the potty. She can do things for herself. She's ready.

Now, why am I terrified? I'm the one who does preschool every year. I'm the one who reassures mommies that I'll love and take care of their babies while they're away. I'm the one who wipes snotty noses while dads are off working hard. I'm the one who cleans skinned knees and gives extra hugs...sometimes just because we both need it. I'm the one who meets each new group of kids with a stomach full of excited knots yet quickly grows loves them each as my own. So why does it seem so scary to entrust MY baby big kid to someone else?

I'm moving up and out of the preschool classroom this year, and while that's exciting, it makes me a little sad. I'm sad that, of all the kids I've been blessed to watch grow, I won't be in there to watch my kid learn in the preschool environment. I'm entrusting her to someone else. I won't get to see her first friendships grow and develop. I won't get to wipe her tears when she's sad. (I'll just hear the wails from down the hall... ha!) I am handing all of these responsibilities (and honors) over to someone else.

The more I think about it, the more I realize there are about 12 different mindsets I could take, however this is what I'm choosing to stand on:

She was made by God for a purpose. Psalm 139.14
He loves her more than I ever could. John 15:9
He knows exactly what she needs. Philippians 4:19
He will bless her friendships. Ephesians 5:2
He will protect her. Psalm 121:7
He is with her. Hebrews 13:5

So even when I'm not there..... He still is.

And that give me a new perspective.




Ms. Holli --- I trust you. You're exactly where you should be. I'm thankful for you. I'm praying for you. I'm here if you need me. :)

A Clean Slate

Yesterday in church, Pastor Mike encouraged us to refocus our hearts on Him for the new year. 

One of my favorite things he said was making Psalm 19:14 (May the words of my mouth and the thoughts of my heart be pleasing unto You) even more relevant today:

"May the tweets of my Twitter and the statuses of my Facebook be PLEASING unto Him." 

Even though he was half joking, it really resonated with me. How often do we use our open platform to grumble, complain, gossip, and argue? Maybe, even more than we realize. I don't think that it's all intentional; we often complain without meaning to. 

The weather is too hot. The weather is too cold. I wish it would snow. i hate the rain. I'm tired, I'm hungry. My husband is a grouch. My job wears me out. I need more to do. I need less to do. Did you see what SHE had on? Can you believe he's with HER? 

How much more of His love could we show if our hearts we focused our attention on things which are pleasing to Him? Our faith, family, friends, church -- how often do we brag and lift up these things? Which do we do more often? 

Do you complain about your spouse or do you build him (or her) up? Do you gripe about how awful your kids are behaving, or do you take some extra time to play with them, read to them, or just hold them close? 

My goal isn't to "judge" as people like to throw out, but rather to encourage you to reassess the words of your mouth (or Twitter, Facebook, Blogger) and the thoughts of your heart. Are they pleasing unto Hiim? None of us will always be pleasing to Him....but that's not to say we can't strive to be.

Don't resolve to do things for the year; Resolve to do things differently this day. 

Christmas in our home

So, I realize there are about 14 million different ways that different families celebrate Christmas. That being said, this post isn't meant to boast our ways and condemn yours. This is simply the way WE choose to celebrate and the way we hope to raise Norah to enjoy celebrating. 

First of all, Jesus is the reason for --not just this season-- but all seasons. God sent His Son for us. When we were unworthy and "the least of these," God showed His favor upon us and gave us the ultimate gift. Now, I like to open gifts as much as the next person....but when compared to the gift of an eternity with my Savior, there's really no comparison.

I get caught up thinking of Mary. Can you imagine? Giving birth to a child who would become the Savior of the world? Can you imagine a group of shepherds showing up to worship your young baby? Can you imagine trying to wrap your mind around the idea that they'd been informed by angels as to where your child would be? Can you imagine being chosen by the creator of the universe for this special cause? Mary was a simple girl, living a simple life, no doubt feeling ordinary and boring in some respects. God chose "the least of these" to bring His miracle into the world. 

Secondly, we don't push Santa. Gasp! I know, we're terrible. Santa gets mentioned by family and friends, and that's okay. Santa isn't bad, we just don't want it to become the focus. We didn't do gifts from Santa, we didn't put out milk and cookies, we didn't sprinkle reindeer food in the yard. There's nothing wrong with any of that...just something that we didn't want to press as a priority.

Thirdly, we spent a lot of time with our family; you know, those built-in supporters (whether they agree with your ways or not). There was food, there were gifts, there was lots of laughter. God gives us these people to love and what an undeserved favor for us! Families come in all shapes, sizes and personalities. The mixture makes it all the more special. We love by serving our friends and families. We love by praying for and with our families. That, too, is a special gift from Him.

I want Norah to grow up knowing that what we choose to teach her is Truth; real truth that will stand the test of time. I never want there to be any confusion in her mind. I want her faith to stand strong and for her to know that He is The Way, The Truth and The Life. We love because He loved. We live because He lives. There's no greater gift than to know that He lives in me and, because of Him, I can smile, I can laugh, I can celebrate, I can enjoy, I can serve, I can give, I can love. That, to me, Christmas.